People ask what’s it like to live with a step-parent when your own mother lives so far away. My answer? It’s surprisingly easy..
A few years ago I may have given a different answer. Neither of us are terrible people but its safe to say we just did not get on. It’s not a shocker really, we tried to force a mother-daughter relationship that should have been left to develop naturally over time. Well I say “we”, it was mainly my dad that tried far too hard for us to get along.
At the time, not only was I a child growing up having to watch my dad live with his new wife. I had to watch him live with her children too and me living in Scotland it seemed as though he was more of a dad to them than me. This as you can image caused some resentment. Four children to all keep happy in a new marriage is not a challenge that I would ever take on lightly.
But most of the tension between us came from misunderstandings not resentment. There was just a lack of communication, which if I’m being honest everyone at some point in their lives suffers from. I think it’s one of those things that just gets better with age. As people grow older, whether its children or adults we learn how to cope with changing family dynamics.
When I first moved to Leeds four months ago I was nervous about living with my step-mum. I had no idea how it would actually be to live with her but then again, I also had reservations about living with my dad considering I haven’t lived with him properly since about the age of 4. However despite my reservations nothing has gone horribly wrong and we actually seem quite close. In some ways, I may even be closer to my step-mum than my own mother. Don’t get me wrong I love my mum to pieces but with my step-mum I can talk to her about pretty much anything, without it being super duper awkward.
I’ll never have the same connection with my step-mum that I do with my own mum but I don’t expect or want to. With more parents divorcing nowadays their children are having to adapt to new family situations and its never easy to begin with. Trust me I should know, it took me and my step-mum a good ten years to finally be comfortable with each other.
Hopefully I haven’t just jinxed it all by writing this blog post… keep your fixed crossed for me?
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