One of my favourite things about Christmas is the crackers. No, not the food -although I wouldn’t pass one up if you offered – the crackers I’m talking about are the ones with the free gift, party hat and that ever so funny joke.

Over the years I have collected only the most truly awful Christmas cracker jokes and I think its about time I share them with you. What you are about to read will have you on the floor, laughing your Christmas socks off! So read at your own risk, you’ve been warned!

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!

Knock, knock

Who’s there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?

What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!

Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!

What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!

And probably the best worst one yet…

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

There you have it, the worst Christmas ‘quacker’ – I’m sorry I couldn’t help it – jokes ever!

Stay festive!

Emma

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